I won't lie, the last 24 hours have been a roller coaster of emotions! I have been going through the growing pains of life, that's for sure!
The reason I write this is because I am sure I am not the only person out there who is struggling with spirituality and relationships.
There is so much harsh judgement out there towards people who do not believe a certain way. For myself, I believe in God and I believe in Love. I guess you could say that I try to live my life to the standards of those who subscribe to the Christian faith. However, I have had a very difficult time fitting into any one religious organization. So I really don't 'subscribe' to anything specifically ~ if anything I subscribe to Kindness! I believe in love, integrity, generosity, compassion, joy, and understanding. I am doing all in my power to raise my son with these same beliefs and qualities - whether we attend a specific church, synagogue, temple, or otherwise. Our home is our sanctuary....God is everywhere!
Because I don't fit into a religious box (so to speak), and I have some 'alternative' thoughts on spirituality...that makes me 'different.' I do believe in life after death, I do believe in reincarnation, angels, and energy. I understand that not all will agree with my way of thinking or my belief system (if I could ever articulate what my belief system is, haha!)....and many will not resonate with what I do on my Mystic page. That is totally fine, and I respect that. Then move along, I say, and find something that brings you Joy! =)
Yesterday I was dealt some pretty harsh judgement by a group of women who both my son and their children have made friends with one another over the last year. One of the Mom's 'happened upon' my Mystic page, and instead of approaching me and asking me anything about it...they discussed as a group and kicked my son and I out of their group - no questions asked. All of this was "in the name of God" of course. I know that they follow the Christian faith, however this had nothing to do with the Mommy & Sons group that they had put together. It was not advertised as a religious organization....it was a play group for the children. The group was supposed to be about the children playing, making friends, and enjoying some nice adult conversation with some other nice Moms. My son and I both really enjoyed our time in the group. I very much enjoyed the families, and felt that they raised their children with the same loving values that I raise mine....it seemed like a good fit. Apparently not...
It was a very tough day yesterday, to put it lightly. (The truth is, I cried for hours!) Feeling like I was stoned and a scarlet letter placed upon my shirt. They outed me because 'my beliefs are a bit troubling to them'. We never discussed religion, and if seeing my Mystic page alarmed them, I would have thought that they respected me enough to come to me about it. They did not - they simply made their assumptions and judgements, and made a decision based on that. I actually feel sorry for them that they live in such fear.... and I send them love and forgiveness for their judgements upon me.
Have any of you (my readers) felt this kind of judgement before? Have you ever been judged or treated differently for having beliefs that are 'outside the box?' I would love to hear about your experiences.
The good news is that Joy did prevail out of all of this! My best-est-friend in the whole wide world is a very faithful Christian. My husband and I have in the past attempted friendly 'debates' to get some discussions going about religion and spirituality. I think in the end we just agreed to disagree, and have still remained friends for years. I adore her, and she has been such a wonderful support and role model to me as a new Mother. I couldn't imagine life without her! With this said, when I started my Mystic page I had reservations. I was scared to tell anyone in my 'inner circle'...for fear of being judged, hated, or rejected. I know some would think that I am a little 'goofy' for believing in angels and spirits. But hey, that's just who I am. ;o)
Today my best-est friend called me up on the phone (and with 3 kids in her house and my one....this is usually a challenge to ever talk on the phone, lol). She asked me if I was okay, and when I hesitantly answered, "yeah, I'm okay"....she knew I was lying. She then asked me if it was because of the Mommy group. I was trying to process.... how did she know? She could tell something was up from the posts yesterday and today on my private Facebook page...so she asked my husband and he gave her the gist of it.
Scared to death, I decided that it was now or never! I had to tell her about my Mystic page.... I couldn't hold it in any longer. Deep in my heart I knew she would still love me ~ but the human fear of rejection has been too much for me to muster up the strength to share it with her. I finally did it - I told her, and even more, I shared my page with her to see! Do you know what happened....? She showed me what a true Christian she is....she showed no judgement and has put her arms around me in love (from a distance - we live in two different states now, lol).
......she left me a voice message today telling me 'not to worry about it and that she loves me.' What a relief to know that she loves me no matter how weird I am, LOL! I had nothing to fear, but the fear I created myself. Her family is part of our family (friends that we have chosen to be family!), so I pray that as we move forward from today that we will continue to agree to disagree....and maybe I'll just be the "Crazy Aunt Beth". ;o)
After all.... I am still the same person ~ loving, caring, compassionate, positive, and supportive.....I will be your friend to the end kind of girl! I love my family, I love my friends, and I love this crazy thing called life. I respect you, you respect me...everyone is in harmony. ♥
I truly went from heartache to joy in the last 24 hours! What a blessed life I live, and I thank God every day for the love, gifts, and people that are part of my circle! The lesson in this whole experience is that I just need to be ME! I need to release that fear that I have of rejection, and live life authentically in all areas of my life. It will still be a process to transition all areas of my life.... but the process has certainly started! =)
The journey is bumpy sometimes....and sometimes the path curves and we can't see around the bend....but in the end, there is always Joy! ♥