Lessons in Friendship

When my husband and I decided to move locations for a new job and new opportunities for our family, I didn't realize how many different kinds of lessons would come my way.  One of them being lessons in friendship.  Now some people could view these changes as "challenging"  or "hard"...but what I have done is chosen to see them for the lessons that they are.  These changes are actually a blessing, if you can view them that way {which I do!}.

"Always look for the upside in the downside."  - Unknown

Moving away from long time friends was a little sad at first.  But now, I actually see it as such a blessing.  I am actually finding out who my true friends are, and those who are not.  Now I don't mean that to be harsh, not like those people don't care at all....but I really am seeing the truth of where the most valuable friendships are in my life.

I have gone back to "home town" twice now since moving to our new location.  I just got back last night from the second trip out there.  What I have come to realize this last weekend is that the same few friends who made time for me the first visit were the exact same friends who made time for me this second time around.  Even with coordinating and crazy schedules on both parties accounts...these special individuals made the time to see me no matter what!  There were many others who haven't seen me in over 6 months, who I thought were 'close friends'....they had excuses as to why they couldn't fit in a visit.  Either that, or they didn't bother to take the extra step to coordinate something that did work with their schedule.

I had one girlfriend who couldn't make the dinner that we had planned for friends to get together...so she contacted me to ask me when we could get together.  She was one of the few who took that extra step to plan a lunch with me during a time when she was available.  Some of the other people who have been long time friends said, "That's a busy day" or "I already have plans that night". This trip really showed me who truly wants to spend time with me, by their effort to see me while I was in town for 4 days.  I definitely bent quite a bit to try to make visits happen as well, so it was a 2 way street.  But I really appreciate the people who showed they cared by their actions and efforts.  =)

It's fun to watch a high school acquaintance move into my "inner circle" of friends!  It's so interesting to see how relationships and friendships change over the years as we get older!  We outgrow some friendships, gain new ones, and maintain others that are already strong.

I am learning that life is all about adapting, learning, and letting go.  I could have easily been upset with a group of friends who clearly made no effort to see me this weekend...but you know what....I'm over it.  I am going to take that energy and spend it with friends who have the time for me.  =)  There's no hard feelings, there's no anger, there's no sadness.  Just letting it go, and moving on.

There are so many wonderful people in this world to connect with...why do we waste our energy sometimes on the people who make life difficult or create sadness within us?  Do we do it out of obligation?  Do we do it because we feel like that's what we deserve?  Maybe because we are too lazy to make healthy efforts with people who are engaging and fun?  I think often we don't even think about it.  We just stay where we are "comfortable".  Well, it has been brought to my attention during this time of change in my life, and I am out to do something about it.  I don't want to live my life just being comfortable and not snatching up opportunities to connect and grow....just because I'm not paying attention.  I am becoming even more intentional in my friendships than I was before!

My lesson in friendship is that relationships are on a constant path of growth, resistance, and change.  We can embrace these changes and honor the new and wonderful people who cross our paths, or we can be resistant and possibly feel discomfort in the process.  I challenge you to look at the friendships in your life.  Who are the people who constantly show up?  Who are the people who make the effort?  You might notice that there are people on that list that you didn't even realize were on that list.  I sure did!  Foster the growth of these relationships, as you release the ones who are you holding you back {or simply not adding anything}.  This doesn't mean you should, in an obvious way, end a friendship....but it means to start paying attention to where you are directing your energy, and to whom.  =)

3 thoughts on “Lessons in Friendship

  1. I love your train of thought and perspective. This is something I’ve grappled with a time or two. In the past I’ve held onto friendships and relationships for numerous reasons (aka in my case excuses) and it was hard to let go. About six months ago I let go of one particular friendship, I finally accepted that it was time…and amazingly it felt good. No sadness or nag, just pure acceptance that our lives and paths have changed.

    • Thanks Wiski, I am right there with you. I am at the acceptance place, knowing that paths are changing with people who are in my life. It’s strange when it’s long time friends, but it’s all okay at the same time. =)

  2. I am sorry you had this experience, but so proud of you for how you handled it! Who knows, maybe the next time you are back home some of those people will be there for you.

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